are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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