I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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