i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
