You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He passed out mid-signature
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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