I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Omg I joined a choir last night...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize