Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
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All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
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I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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