Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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