I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
