And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
