it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
