I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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