Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
