I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
