Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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