Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize