So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
