i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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