i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize