And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
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my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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