I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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