Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize