either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
