He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
