went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Randomize
