I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
