butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
