Texts From Last Night

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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  shes about as inviting as chlamydia

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  (778): shes about as inviting as chlamydia http://tfl.nu/iikb
  Replies (2) Good night (743) Bad night (3381)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.

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  (609): He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night. http://tfl.nu/520f
  Replies (31) Good night (2719) Bad night (7367)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.

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  (443): Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears. http://tfl.nu/xwms
  Replies (14) Good night (1328) Bad night (4045)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I think college has really matured you.

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  (901): Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front. (662): I think college has really matured you. http://tfl.nu/th4l
  Replies (19) Good night (4605) Bad night (732)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.

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  (905): She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was. http://tfl.nu/uuuj
  Replies (14) Good night (1756) Bad night (5345)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you

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  (617): I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you http://tfl.nu/p9k4
  Replies (12) Good night (5453) Bad night (1139)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.

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  (402): Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job. http://tfl.nu/cd1b
  Replies (15) Good night (2605) Bad night (1158)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.

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  (860): He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days. http://tfl.nu/v2o4
  Replies (18) Good night (5527) Bad night (1119)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS

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  (630): I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS http://tfl.nu/zymg
  Replies (7) Good night (2461) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."

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  (213): My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie." http://tfl.nu/jevy
  Replies (38) Good night (3801) Bad night (856)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.

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  (310): Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth. http://tfl.nu/zdvm
  Replies (5) Good night (1104) Bad night (609)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm

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  (858): Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm http://tfl.nu/x3tv
  Replies (9) Good night (1788) Bad night (581)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.

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  (614): Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission. http://tfl.nu/x97b
  Replies (2) Good night (571) Bad night (646)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."

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  (832): Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen." http://tfl.nu/e369
  Replies (1) Good night (575) Bad night (320)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible

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  (518): Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible http://tfl.nu/sefo
  Replies (1) Good night (493) Bad night (304)

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