Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize