someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
