i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
