i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
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The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
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I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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