u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
