this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
