I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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