Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
