youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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