I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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