In the future we'll all be gay
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.