he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
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We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
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We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.