You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Jerry, you need to find god
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
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Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
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I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night