he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....