Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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