All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
