I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
