some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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