You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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