so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
