Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
