mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
