I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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