The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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