Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
