Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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