Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
