oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
