I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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