Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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