I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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