The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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