She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
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