Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
