I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
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We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
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If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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