Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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