shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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