u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
