You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
