Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
