How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
