I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
