He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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