I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
