Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
whose ass print is on the piano?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
