how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
