trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
