Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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